Laundry Stinks eli.cranor@gmail.com August 29, 2021 Eli Cranor is a former professional quarterback and coach turned award-winning author. Please use the “Contact” page at elicranor.com to send in questions for “Athletic Support.”

Dear Athletic Support: Back when I was a kid, I remember my football coaches always washing all of our gear. It’s not like that anymore. My daughter is in junior high volleyball and we have to wash all of her stuff every night. It’s such a hassle. We can’t just not wash her stuff and have her stinking out there on the court, but it really is a pain. Guess I just wanted to know why coaches stopped washing their players' stuff. Maybe volleyball coaches never did this in the first place? Maybe it was only for football? If so, that doesn’t seem right to me.

— Washed Up

Dear Washed: Doing laundry was the bane of my existence during my coaching days. I’ll never forget getting done with a game on Friday night, still juiced up from the adrenaline, and then having to sit in the field house for another three hours while we waited on the laundry to get done.

So, yeah. I feel your pain. Laundry stinks.

And I’m not actually sure if volleyball ever did laundry. I’m sure some schools did, but I don’t remember it happening at the schools where I coached.

In the end, this is a small hill, and definitely not one worth dying on. Complaining to the coach or trying to get it changed will not help. Just do your daughter’s laundry and remember that one day her volleyball days will be over and she’ll move out of your house. Who knows, you might even miss doing her laundry!



Dear Athletic Support: My kid’s school just spent all this money on a new track. We’ve got a crumbling high school, but boy, do we ever have a fancy new track! The administrators sold us on this big idea that the school would make most of the money back from the purchase of the track by hosting meets. They said the money from the concession stands and tickets and all that would add up. The track would pay for itself. I don’t have a clue how much a new track costs, but I know a Diet Coke costs a couple bucks at the concession stand. Popcorn’s around a dollar, I think. How much candy are they going to have to sell to pay for this thing?

— Who You Kidding?

Dear Kidding: If my calculations are correct, your school would have to sell somewhere around fifty-thousand Snickers bars to cover the cost of that new track. Which, in turn, means they’d have to host a whole bunch of meets over the course of a minimum of two decades.

The bad news? After twenty years, it’s going to be time for another new track.

But listen. Don’t worry about the budget. That’s the school’s job.

Any and all new facilities at your school are going to improve the kids’ experience. Period. All things work together. Even if your kid isn’t on the track team, some of his/her friends might be. Just be thankful your administrators are doing what they can to improve the campus.


Previous columns:

• Fit more important than price when it comes to cleats
• Facebook ads and too many practices
• Coach pushing vaccine on players
• Youth sports like a cult
• Coach’s pregame speech too crazy for kids
• Championship rings and multiple sweatbands — too much?
• Working out over the Dead Weeks?
• Summer School Blues
• Practices running late causing problems
• Softball games going past midnight
• Are athletes getting better with age?
• Are team sports a vital part of childhood?
• Summer schedule way too serious
• What if I can’t afford private speed camps?
• Quarterback lacks speed
• Should pro athletes talk politics?
• How to take a hit
• Wrestling in college, what’s the point?
• Removal of mask requirement could cost us games
• Overachieving daughter stinks at sports
• Why are we playing all the small schools?
• Freshmen don’t make varsity, usually
• Kids have changed, haven’t they?
• Esports and disc golf bigger than football?
• Little pitchers have big ears
• Pregame music offensive
• Fouls in girls basketball
• Red Shirting
• Coach makes political post
• 7th grade girls basketball woes
• Multi-million-dollar buyouts don’t make sense
• Private schools have the upper hand
• Best of 2020

Athletic Support Columns 2020


Outside of athletics, kids’ brains are also at risk. Who knows what sort of impact virtual learning will have on their cognition and critical thinking skills. In this regard, I offer one simple tool — a good book! And luckily, I know just the book for kids struggling with the shift to virtual learning:

BOOKS MAKE BRAINZ TASTE BAD! Okay, you caught me… I’m the author of this book. It was published last week and awarded a #1 New Release ranking on Amazon. BMBTB deals directly with the same topic covered in this column, except in a much more lighthearted, kid-friendly way (zombie teachers and brain-munching screens!) If you end up purchasing this book for your children or grandchildren, I only have one final suggestion — ask them to read it while standing up! Eli Cranor's new book Books Make Brainz Taste Bad has just been released. ZOMBIES HATE BOOKS! Especially the zombie teachers at Haven Middle School. That's why they're using VR headsets to fry kids' brainz. Luckily, Dash Storey knows how to save his classmates from the zombie teachers—BOOKS! They make brainz taste bad! "Eli Cranor has an almost unbeatable advantage. He can remember how it felt to think like a twelve-year-old and he can see the very same events like the adult he is. Don't try to resist this book!" - Jack Butler, Pulitzer-Prize nominated author